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Without questions there are no answers

By on February 13, 2013 in Communication Skills, Relationship Intelligence

In The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, Miguel Ruiz states, ‘If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfil our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.’

Every day we make assumptions. We make assumptions about ourselves, our partners, our managers and co-workers. But how often are they true?

At the heart of it, making an assumption means believing things are a certain way with little or no proof. At work this can cause miscommunication, lost productivity and unnecessary stress.

—A quick flashback, if I may. Picture the swirly visual effects in your mind.—

Last week I was in a coaching session. My client explained he had sent some work to a few people—including a senior leader—for review and feedback. The good news: The leader sent the requested feedback. The bad news (at least to my client): the email was sent back to his peer, and not him.

This worried my client greatly. He began asking questions like, does the senior leader not respect my work? Does he not trust my judgement? Doubt crept in, negative self-talk he had difficulty shutting down. He assumed the worst.

But what was the truth?

When we explored the level of relationship he had with this GM compared to the level of relationship the GM had with his peer, things became clear. This leader was not questioning anyone’s ability,  he merely responded to the person he worked with most often and associated with this type of work. Period.

 —Okay, the flashback is over. More swirly stuff and you’re back in the present.—

Ask yourself: How many hours have you wasted guessing or assuming what others are thinking? How often have you adjusted your actions as a result?

The challenge: This week assume everyone you work with has positive intentions and no hidden agenda. When you feel you may have a misunderstanding, just ask. Clarify. Be curious and caring, and you may be surprised at what you find.

And pay attention to what you are able to accomplish; you will be amazed.

 

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Leading with Positive Intention – Part 2

By on February 9, 2011 in Communication Skills, Productivity

So the concept Paul and I are working on is this…can the way you think actually change the way you lead your team, thus change the culture of your organization? I was excited to check in with Paul this week to see how he made out with his “positive intention” homework. To recap, Paul had 2 pieces of homework last week…1) spend time at the end of each day journaling about what went right; and 2) identify at least one positive trait that each employee displayed that day.

Paul and I sat down to discuss the week and he said his biggest surprise was what he learned…mostly about himself! As Paul struggled with the journaling exercise he admitted how challenging it was to keep the focus on what went well…he was truly amazed at just how hard habits are to break. The ‘negative thinking’ cycle that Paul was in was proving to be much more difficult to break than he had imagined. He discovered just how firmly entrenched he was in looking for the negative as opposed to seeing the positive. As much as Paul first balked at this exercise…”I don’t have time to journal every day, I’m trying to run a business”…the importance of taking the time to complete this exercise was starting to dawn on him. As the week went on he found it easier to identify the positive things that were going on within his organization. As he recognized the positive he made a point to pass that positive feedback on to his team. He said he got lots of surprised looks and blank stares which made him realize that his employees apparently were not used to hearing positive comments from him. Wow…what a revelation! Paul really had no idea the impact he was having on his own organization. He thought it was his employees who were creating the negative culture, he truly was not aware of his own role!

Armed with this new found reality, Paul renewed his commitment to make time to focus on his leadership skills and continue the ‘positive intention’ exercise so that he can create the change he desires in his organization.

Think about your last week…how did your leadership contribute to your work culture? Was it a positive contribution? What did you notice about yourself and your impact on your culture?

As I pondered this question for myself I identified a communication breakdown that occurred in my own organization last week. It would have been easy to blame another team member for the incident; it was a little grey as to whose responsibility it was. However, considering the fact that I was focused on ‘leading with positive intention’ I decided it really didn’t matter who dropped the ball, ultimately it was my responsibility to show leadership in the situation. I took full responsibility with the client, in front of the team mate involved, and then the three of us came up with a resolution to ensure the situation would be dealt with differently in the future. As tough as it is to admit weakness as a leader, the result of this seemingly small incident was a stronger connection with both my team mate and the client…trust was restored very quickly!

Stay tuned to see how Paul made out with Part 2 of his assignment…identifying positive traits in his employees.

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